Every intimate conversation is an adventure into a person’s inner world – their needs, passions, hardships, and unique view of the world.
The problem is many of us, myself included, can be terrible travelers. We don’t listen well, don’t ask questions, and sometimes wander off on our own adventure in our head, abandoning our talking partners.
We act like tourists in a foreign land. We visit someplace new but only associate with the components most similar to the familiar world we know by staying in an “all inclusive” resort.
Traveling into Your Partner’s Heart
“Before the development of tourism, travel was conceived to be like a study.” – Paul Fussel
When couples start dating, they ask questions and intimately explore each other’s personal values, worldviews, and interests. They study each other and remember what they learned.
Danny and Sam share how they couldn’t stop talking the first three months of their relationship. “There were many nights were we just lay in bed till 3 a.m. asking each other questions like, ‘If you could have a secret talent, what would it be and why would you want that talent?’” As they describe their dating years, it’s clear this couple playfully explored each other on an intimate level.
Unfortunately, like most of us, Danny and Sam forgot to continue this as the years turned into decades. Now 22 years after first meeting, they say, “I feel disconnected from him. He never cares about my feelings,” and, “She never asks me about the things I care about. Everything that comes out of her mouth is about what I have to do around the house.”